Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
