I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
