if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
