Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
