i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
