I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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