I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
