Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you traded sex for a burrito?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
