When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
