I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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