You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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