I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
