I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
