i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
