i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
