I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
