THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
