I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
