Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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