I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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