So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
