I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
