are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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