Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
