Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
