i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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