just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
