my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
