I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
