I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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