he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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