I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
