We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
