Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
