you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
