I am puke
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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