She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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