I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
