you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
