Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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