I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
