If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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