I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
