I would go down on you faster than GM stock
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
