you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
