Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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