Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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