threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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