it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
