remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
