Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
