"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
