I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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