Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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